He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
