Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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