3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
