you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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