he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
