He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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