I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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