Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
