Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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