Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize