the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
