I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can't turn off my feet"
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
