im six kinds of drunk right now
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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