I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
