My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
