You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
