I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
