just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
