the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
