he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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