Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
