id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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