It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
