You're so nebulous sometimes
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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