You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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