A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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