I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
