Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm always down for nudity.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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