Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
