how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
