Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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