Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
