I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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