She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize