Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
