Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
