It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
jump out the window naked night went bad
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