i don't like sucking hair
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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