Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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