White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
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Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
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Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.