Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (202): You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell... http://tfl.nu/oe10
  Replies (8) Good night (627) Bad night (1883)
• Favorite

  (563): View more from Iowa

  even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (563): even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair http://tfl.nu/e78g
  Replies (82) Good night (4296) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (661): It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job. http://tfl.nu/htiz
  Replies (32) Good night (5238) Bad night (1308)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (415): And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?! http://tfl.nu/ikec
  Replies (9) Good night (2913) Bad night (781)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall http://tfl.nu/to1l
  Replies (4) Good night (1730) Bad night (1385)
• Favorite

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (541): Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening. http://tfl.nu/zy8e
  Replies (26) Good night (1252) Bad night (8088)
• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (573): I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use." http://tfl.nu/1qa0
  Replies (8) Good night (5564) Bad night (832)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us? http://tfl.nu/b72r
  Replies (20) Good night (935) Bad night (2633)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (412): Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut. http://tfl.nu/ynt5
  Replies (3) Good night (1050) Bad night (471)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (724): NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside. http://tfl.nu/mev5
  Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (905): Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk. http://tfl.nu/f6av
  Replies (3) Good night (705) Bad night (311)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out. http://tfl.nu/5y00
  Replies (4) Good night (1624) Bad night (263)
• Favorite

  (845): View more from New York

  brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (845): brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears http://tfl.nu/i2bc
  Replies (3) Good night (275) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.

  (1-505): View more from New Mexico

  So when can I meet her?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (505): There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker. (1-505): So when can I meet her? http://tfl.nu/qfle
  Replies (1) Good night (582) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (804): View more from Virginia

  What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (804): What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date? http://tfl.nu/5g3w
  Replies (4) Good night (339) Bad night (564)

Randomize