I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo