Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I showed him my bush... on skype.

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(440): View more from Ohio

Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue

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(402): View more from Nebraska

birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.

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(240): View more from Maryland

Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(315): View more from New York

I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"

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(615): View more from Tennessee

When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'

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(630): View more from Illinois

I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.

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(320): View more from Minnesota

So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"

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(817): View more from Texas

She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.

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