Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum