"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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