he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
