if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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