During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
