i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i think i just lost a toe
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
