Plan B is the new Plan A
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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