Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize