it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
