how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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