she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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