I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
