I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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