Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
