So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
