my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
