i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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