Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
