it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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