Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
