Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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