I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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