he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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