i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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