Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
