The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
