Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
