did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
