Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So squirting runs in the family.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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