i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Randomize
