2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
