Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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