it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
