then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
