You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
