So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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